3-Steps to Communicating more Effectively—to Transform Teams, Relationships, and Results

Let’s face it, most people are never actually taught how to communicate. We grow up assuming that talking equals connecting, but over time, we learn the hard way: words alone don’t create understanding. Miscommunication causes unnecessary stress, broken trust, and missed opportunities—in families, teams, relationships, and business.

That’s why I created the ACC Framework of Communication a practical, powerful 3-Steps to Communicating more Effectively—to Transform Teams, Relationships, and Results approach designed not just to help people talk, but to truly understand and be understood.

This wasn’t born in a leadership book or corporate strategy session. It was born around my own dinner table.

I come from a neurodiverse family. Out of six of us, five have neurodiversity diagnoses, including ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder. That meant traditional communication—where assumptions are common, instructions are vague, and follow-ups are rare—simply didn’t work.

In our home, conversations quickly became sources of tension rather than connection. We weren’t speaking to connect, we were speaking to express, and it led to:

• Frequent misunderstandings
• Rising frustration
• Unspoken resentment
• Emotional exhaustion

So, I took responsibility—not just as a father and partner, but as a communicator. I started studying what actually worked. I tested, refined, and distilled it into a simple, memorable framework:

• A – Assume Nothing
• C – Clarify Everything
• C – Check for Understanding

It changed our family dynamic almost overnight. But something surprising happened: when I started teaching this to my coaching clients, teams, and business leaders, it worked just as well in professional environments as it did in my personal life.

The impact was immediate.

There’s a quote from NLP expert Tad James that I live by:

“The meaning of communication is in the response you get.”

Read that again.

This single concept shifts the entire responsibility of communication onto the communicator. It’s not enough to speak clearly in your own head if the other person doesn’t walk away with clarity, the communication has failed.

And here’s the truth most people don’t want to hear:
If your message wasn’t understood, that’s on you.

That might feel confronting but it’s also incredibly empowering. Because once you own it, you can change it.

Let’s walk through the ACC Framework and break it down into practical strategies you can start using today.

We make assumptions constantly. We assume the other person understands the context, shares our definition of key terms, or knows our expectations even when we never say them out loud.

In neurodiverse communication, assumptions are especially dangerous. But even in everyday professional settings, they’re responsible for:

• Missed deadlines
• Disconnected teams
• Broken processes
• Unspoken frustrations

Tip: Pause and ask yourself before speaking:

• “What might they not know yet?”
• “Am I assuming we’re on the same page?”

Clear communication begins when you ditch assumptions and start from a place of curiosity and inclusion.

Clarity is not optional—it’s essential. Especially when stakes are high, or emotions are involved.

You’d be amazed how often people use vague, indirect, or emotionally charged language and then expect others to “just get it.” But people aren’t mind readers—and everyone interprets information through their own lens.

Whether you’re a manager giving instructions, a partner expressing needs, or a parent guiding a child—specificity creates safety and certainty.

Instead of saying:

“Can you send that soon?”

Say:

“Can you email that report by 3 PM today so we can review it before the meeting?”

Instead of saying:

“I need you to help more around here.”

Say:

“Can you take out the rubbish every Monday and Thursday night after dinner?”

These aren’t demands—they’re clear requests. Clarity reduces stress, increases action, and inspires accountability.

This step is the one most people skip—and it’s often the most powerful.

You may think you were clear. You may think they got it. But the only way to know for sure is to ask. And here’s the kicker: asking someone to repeat something back or confirm understanding isn’t insulting—it’s responsible.

This is how you prevent:
• “But I thought you meant…”
• “That’s not what I heard…”
• “I didn’t realise you needed it then…”

Try these prompts:
• “Just to make sure we’re on the same page, what’s your understanding of what we agreed on?”
• “Can you walk me through what your next steps will be?”
• “Any part I wasn’t clear on?”

This doesn’t just improve execution—it builds trust, because people feel respected and aligned.

Though ACC was born out of my need to support neurodiverse communication, it’s clear now: this framework works for everyone.

When individuals and teams adopt ACC as their standard approach to communication, they report:

• Fewer mistakes
• Lower stress levels
• Stronger emotional connection
• Improved productivity
• Less resentment
• Greater sense of being heard
• Better personal AND professional relationships

In short—it makes life easier, and results better.

Too many people communicate to get something off their chest—not to create a shared understanding. They focus on talking, not listening. On expressing, not connecting.

And when that happens, even well-meaning conversations create division.

The ACC Framework flips that script.
It’s about connecting through clarity, not noise.
It’s about owning your role in the exchange.
It’s about building relationships that last—at work, at home, and in life.

The beauty of ACC is in its simplicity. It doesn’t require new tech, big budgets, or months of training. It simply asks you to:
1. Pause before assuming.
2. Be precise in your words.
3. Confirm the message was received.

It’s a small shift. But the results? Massive.

If you want to:
• Strengthen your leadership
• Build more meaningful relationships
• Reduce stress in your teams or home
• And create a culture of trust and excellence…

Then start using ACC today.

Because how you communicate isn’t just about being heard—it’s about creating real, lasting understanding.

Let’s make it happen.
Let’s lead by example.
Let’s study successful behaviours to inspire action—together.

You’ve got this.

—
Kevin O’Reilly
Founder | Thrive Now Group
“The study of successful behaviours to inspire action.”